ode to 2005 :: a warm welcome to 2006

2006, finally we meet in reality.im not sure whether i am prepared to meet u.

but i think i'd probably have no accurate reason on what i should be prepared for?

well.. whatever it is. life moves on. i left 2005 in a silent relief.

2005 has both marked my days with so many red and black marks. i stumbled onto so may holes and also closures. sumtimes, they are the tightly zipped ones. when i looked back at myself in 2005.. i see both sweet and bitter memories..

2005.

your jan saw me struggling with studies. it was a very hard time. i sumtimes lost grip of myself.

i faced countless fears, tears and misery most of my breathing time. i went tru all of it with a good company of my soul and my inner patience. finally, it was april. and i started my internship. it was my first so-called working experience. i made new friends. and the friendship is still intact. i was offered for a stable job there. i refused politely. and i had my own reason for that. in a blink of eye, i finally graduated in mid august. unbelivably true. on that day too, i received a big suprise ever in my life. it was awesome. it was totally perfect and even until today i become speechless when i think of it. i remembered my tears on that glorious day. i was so happy, grateful, touched, sad and of course thankful. for the first time ever, i felt that all my efforts, tears, misery worth the outcome. * pause. things went so right where i finally started my real first job in september. welcome to the professional world. it was a marvellous reception from new collegues. i started well. in fact i began to love my career. everything was flawless. i started to hav my own working checklist. i was always eager for tomorrow.

october approached me happily.my bro and his family flew all the way from manchester to msia again. again, it was the moment that every single member of the family was waiting for. we were together back again. one beautiful month with the whole family was awesome.we celebrated eid mubarak. we were happy indeed. and my career life moves on. i treated a special dinner for the family. it was a celebration for my first-job cum my convo dinner.we laughed all night. it was beautiful.we were so much in love. bro and family then went back there. i was extremely sad and lonely. i moved on wif my career.as usual. i started feeling a lil bit uncomfortable. i saw myself being uh so-not me. did i really hav to do it tho i kno from the first glance that it was just not right for me? i realised i was a beginner. i was not even average. i was so naive. so i moved on. i was still walking yet i was so confused. of my self.oh of everything.my brain started complaining of the work burden that i kept on adding every day. and why they were disorderly distributed to everyone? my heart started complaining of the hell new me. tolerance and patience accompanied me a lot. i started complaining about things at work. to myself. and to close ppl around me. but i still moved on. again, i faced difficulties. i fell, i got up, and i started walking again. the environment, attitude and ethique were just so contrary to me. i was depressed. i really was. the work loads kept coming in. the management of work and comunication btwen the team members were horrible.oh did i mention team? well actually there was no we're-a-team or whatsoever. there's only a superior giving tasks out of sudden with no proper guidance and sufficient information.and he expected me to just do it. does he think that im a typical girl that will commence what i've been ordered to without i actually been properly informed what the hell i was doing? hell no. please work professionally.give task to others with a sufficient intro and subject.dont simply expect ppl to do their work in a way of learning nil?they were working in a wrong way. my tolerance and patience strangled me. ouch.this place just didnt belong to me. i just couldnt do this. i started to realise sumthing. i wasnt improvised. in fact, i saw a spoilt me. i couldnt go on anymore. i couldnt see myself there in another 3 years. sigh. it was so sad. bad coincidence happened. i felt pity of myself. i really do. at the same time i was stronger than before. because i had my confidence back. he was there for me.thank you hun. the working problems and everything lasted on until the very last month of 2005. there, the rainbow finally shone out. better offer awaited me. i couldnt be thankful enuf for that. i had a deep thought and after a fair consideration on everything.. i finally decided to see myself in my new career. i tendered my resignation 2 weeks earlier than the day i should get started with the new job. just to relax and well it's kinda soul searching actually. i wanna start fresh, vibrant and perfectly prepared. and now.. im having my holidays.. until 15th jan. then i want to start my new job as it is the first working day for me.ever.

sigh.God is fair to me. i experienced so many ups and downs in 2005.i dont regret for what has happened to me because if it's not because of the mistake and yeah, fate that had happened.. maybe i wont be smiling as i am today. well.. actually all these years i am very much circled by sweet and perfect ppl. ppl who i can deal with, i can count on and most importantly ppl who loves me just as much as i love them. Well the bitter days of 2005 must have their reason for emerging in my life. they i believe, want me to learn something new. and want me to think in a positive side. well .. it didnt end that bad actually. i see new opportunity for my future.and most important of all.. i see an opportunity for me to improvise and to not just stay on the same spot. i really have to get up and be more realistic.

and 2005, i really have to thank you for the ultimate sweet days of yours.the happiness that you gave me keeps me alive and made me sane. God always knows what he's doing and planning on me. he knows what's best for me.. for my future and of course for others around me...even if i dont see it yet.again, 2005. thank you for a very " ..........." year.mind you that the very last day of you was a very special day for me and my other half :). thank you for linking me up to 2006.im sure that im gonna miss you soon.

and 2006, i really want to start fresh.like really FRESH. and i hope you 'll be nice to
me.please.will ya? :)

rest my case,

lyn.