Grr.. I am so frustrated with both yahoomail and the blogger.or is my trusty speed dial connection messing up with me? (lame, I know.I used to have free speedy connection at work before I emm quit)I don’t really know.urghh.It’s forever declining my access.i hate it when I was really in the mood to rant or ramble on sumthing but I couldn’t post it, and even worse the system was frequently unable to log me on!Lucky it's working tonite.
I have IELTS test coming up this Saturday starting from 8 am until around 3 pm.I am very nervous about the test taking place, my marks and most importantly whether I achieve the passing grade for my scholar or not. God, this thing is driving me crazy! Believe me, I became neurotic about sitting the test and all those related petty things.sigh.Sometimes, I myself wonder why the hell am I SO FREAKING OUT?And I figured out these excuses:
1. The last exam that I sat for was 2 years back.well now that it’s almost 2008 make it 3.
2.I got confused with my studying schedule. I used to stay up till wee hours say 5 am and slept randomly. That was how my brain worked, at least that’s what I thought. But it’s not working for me now that I am at home.
3. I learnt best in other subject’s class viz. solving maths in law class.And I have zero choice coz there’s only a subject
4. Sitting and studying facing window, looking at the green field with scattered water pondings during the rainy days was indescribably soothing. That’s the best study spot ever. Miss u, 1st RC! Yup, not my current place!
5.Figuring out this thing is like loading more bullets in my head.full stop.
Above all those excuses, the real and most important thing is I fear that I fail and screw up everything. If I didn’t pass the grade I will regret it for as long as I live. I’ve quit job, left my position, declined the other scholar, was and still depressed, confused and gave up so much more to get this. I am just an inch away yet I feel so distant. I am too confused that I just can’t focus.What if I flunk?Isnt that pathetic enough?
Well, I did a lot of revisions and test specimens.I bought the book soonest as I got the exam date. I surfed a few help-me websites, downloaded plenty of the tips. I am the most loyal fan of border’s starbucks. I was there every weekends..studying and trying to understand my inside. I think I’m doing fine with the mock test, tutorial, exam whatever. But not with my emotion and self confidence.Oh, this is not helping.
I don’t want to get depressed coz If I do, I will definitely screw up everything.
God, I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I just need a real decent night’s sleep.
Don’t give me bad dreams and pls let me restore my own faith tomorrow
I love you God.
11 comments:
lyn,
ani again.
IELTS..
how much is the fee..
how to apply..
thank you..
and wishing u the very best of luck lyn. a smile can always reduce nervousness. so take a deep breath, smile and u'll feel good :)
-ani-
hey ani, that's so nice of you!thanks a lot. i feel a lot better today.u made my day :)
anyway, try call the british council or surf the www.ielts.org for more info k.they have two diferent test modules i.e academic and general training depending on ur purpose of thaking the test.are u planning to study abroad?
mm..i wish to further studies; either here or abroad(abroad????shh..hehe..dreaming n looking for opportunities). but not in the nearest future. have to think of the budget/sponsor as well. huhu. still blur ni. let me ask, are u going to further abroad?
my slot insyaAllah is for local only.The allotment of UK slots for 2007 & 2008 by UM are totally occupied already.Im taking the IELTS test just to fulfill the scholarship requirement.Should I pass the test, I'll start my class at UM a day before the coming new year.Pray for me :)
If ure really interested in pursuing ur studies and to join the academic field, be alert to some adverts from the Ministry of Education regarding their subtle plan in providing funds and opportunities to lecturers wannabe.
I've seen mine in the newspaper and gave a try at the interviews that they held at KL Sentral back in April 07. I heard that they had one later in July at KLConvCtr.There were a lot of unis that participated in the interviews.It was a real massive participation and gave good exposure and choices to applicants
mm..I know UTM is looking for more applicants for respective courses cz I initially got the offer.and I heard that they're still looking.In that case then mbe you can try caling them :)
nervous?don't be..i'll know you'll do great..thinking too much about failing definitely won't help..
good luck, k.
i'll drive you this saturday,k..muah
thanks love :)
AHH..
JUST GREAT INFO..
THANKS A LOT DEAR..
I PRAY FOR YOU..
THE OPPORTUNITY IS YOURS NOW..
U GONNA GET IT SOON!
DO PRAY FOR ME TOO..
:)
Amin..all the best:)
i told you you'd do just fine, right? congratulations honey.
gee..thanks!laf
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