"Everything has its time and place, so don’t worry if you don’t get what you want right now."
-papertissue

I slept after sahur after watching Twillight
I know, I am that crazy.. still have time to watch movie in the morning? hehe
and when I woke up it was raining outside
and even when I was driving to work
it was really cold and the traffic was really slow

I dont really blog much these days especially about this..
but today I felt lonely.. and it hit me really hard
I thought about my departure to LJMU .. InsyaAllah middle of Nov
and the Uni College London (UCL) offer last friday
God knows how much I wanted to got to UCL
I went for a semi interview last year
when they have a rep coming down to KL
and then I was busy with my Masters that I had little time
to prepare the Phd proposal yadayada and
finally this year after sending the new proposal
I kinda lost hope of waiting, and proceeded with other unis
and when I'm in the middle of processing my departure
here comes the offer.

sigh.
I am contemplating hard now
but I know I dont really have an option
my appeal to study in UK was granted solely for
I have two sponsors, first parent LJMU for the study fees
and our own parent the ministry for my living expenses
If not for the bursary offer from LJMU, perhaps
I am now in back-up options; Aussie or NZealand
spending my raya with buckets of tears sobsob..

The ministry's only accepting Oxford or Cambridge
for unconditional scholarship offer to UK
which means even u're allotted for local slots but if u manage
to secure any place from the two then u can fly happily to UK
even ranked at 7th World Top Uni, the ministry's not having sufficient fund
to send me to UCL

So at this point of life
I think I am learning to let go
letting go of something that's within my reach but
definitely not something that I can own
It's hard..the battle inside me
I dont want to decline UCL
but I dont want to lose LJMU
LJMU is a star on its own
the strength point is that it's in the UK's top 5
in the research area especially in my field
and I'll get the chance to deliver some lectures there
and most importantly they fought hard to reward me the bursary

I still find it hard to let go of UCL
sigh.. I dont know..

:(