hand in hand

I am sitting on a pale brown chair at Borders. There's a little white stain near its right edge and it looks like a dry candle wax to me.
I am facing the back counter of the Starbucks.
When I lift my head now I can see one old lady sitting on a black 1-seater leather couch in front of me.
Right next to the back counter wall. And I can see one Starbucks staff is filling up the serviette box.
When I turn to my right side I can see a guy in red T on his white earphones busy tapping away on his MacBook
My left side table is empty. No one sits on my left side.
An old man with a grey shorts joins the old lady. And he sits on an exact same black leather couch facing her. And he is moving his middle finger on the laptop's sensor pad. He chose not to use a mouse.
My eyes now are fixed on the glass window. It's raining. And I just realized that.

Sigh, I am here to do my homework.
To work on something that has since been my major focus in life. my studies.
I feel sorry for myself that I cannot live with a constant determination to succeed
Why can't I be motivated the whole time?
Why do I live in this air of uncertainty?
Does everyone practice this way of living?
Do we need to keep reminding ourselves every time we wake up in the morning that we have to try hard for something?
Is that how life is supposed to work?
Why doesn't that special reason keeps me awake all the time?
Or am I the only one having some trouble to deal with this nature?






Dear MySoul,

pls talk to me.
pls tell me my wrongdoings.
let me know that I can fix all this.
tell me that life's not over.
and pls tell me that we'll work this out together.

Hand in hand.